'We're taking Continental,' was the reply. 'We got a great rate!'

'Continental?' exclaimed the hairdresser. 'That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?'

'We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome 's Tiber River called Teste.'

'Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly, and they're overpriced.

So, whatcha' doing when you get there?'

'We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope.'

'That's rich,' laughed the hairdresser. 'You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant.

Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it.'

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome

'It was wonderful,' explained the woman, 'not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.

And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $ 5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!'

'Well,' muttered the hairdresser, 'that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope.'

'Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.

Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.'

'Oh, really! What'd he say ?'

He said: 'Where'd you get the rubbish Hairdo?

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Prince Charles is visiting an Edinburgh hospital.

He enters a ward full of patients with no obvious sign of injury or

illness and greets one.

The patient replies:

"Fair fa your honest sonsie face,

Great chieftain o the puddin race,

Aboon them a ye take yer place,

Painch, tripe or thairm,

As langs my airm."

Charles is confused, so he just grins and moves on to the next patient.

The patient responds:

"Some hae meat an canna eat,

And some wad eat that want it,

But we hae meat an we can eat,

So let the Lord be thankit."

Even more confused, and his grin now rictus-like, the Prince moves on to

the next patient,

who immediately begins to chant:

"Wee sleekit, cowerin, timrous beasty,

O the panic in thy breasty,

Thou needna start awa sae hastie,

Wi bickering brattle."

Now seriously troubled, Charles turns to the accompanying doctor and

asks "Is this a psychiatric ward?"

"No," replies the doctor,

"This is the serious Burns unit."

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He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.

The man said, 'Are you talking to me?'

The frog said, 'Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.

I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!'

The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front breast pocket.

Then the frog said, 'What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.'

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,

'Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog.'

With age comes wisdom.

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Little Barry was a bit of a troublemaker. He had got into trouble at
school and at home. Barry's mother asked him if he thought he deserved
to get a bike for his birthday. Little Barry, of course, thought he did.
Barry's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted him to reflect on his
behaviour over the last year, and write a letter to God, and tell him
why he deserved a bike for his birthday.

Little Barry stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God
a letter.

LETTER 1:

Dear God,

I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my
birthday. I want a red one.

Your friend, Barry.

Barry knew this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year,
so he tore up the letter and started again.

LETTER 2:

Dear God,

This is your friend Barry. I have been a pretty good boy this year, and
I would like a red bike for my birthday.

Thank you,

Barry.

Barry knew this wasn't true either. He tore up the letter and started
again.

LETTER 3:

Dear God,

I have been an OK boy this year and I would really like a red bike for
my birthday.

Your friend,

Barry.

Barry knew he could not send this letter to God either. Barry was very
upset. He went downstairs and told his mother he wanted to go to church.
Barry's mother thought her plan had worked because Barry looked very
sad. 'Just be home in time for dinner,' his mother said. Barry walked
down the street to the church and up to the altar. He looked around to
see if anyone was there. He picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary. He
slipped it under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street,
into his house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat
down with a piece of paper and a pen.

Barry began to write his letter to God.

LETTER 4:

I'VE GOT YOUR MUM.

IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE
F*%#ING BIKE!!!

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Is it wrong to have a friend(s) at a different location(s) who you go and see when in that area to have a few drinks (or not)end up sleeping with them and never be in a formal relationship with them?

My feeling is that it's ok as long as you are both clear on the fact that it is what it is and that neither person expects more than the other is willing to give.

1. Where should the boundaries lie though?
2. What if the other person has a partner?
3. What if you have a partner?
4. What if you both have?
5. What if you feel unfulfilled at home and behaving in this way has a positive effect on you.
6. What if you get too close.

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Now where I can't confirm the authenticity of the event, I can bask in the warm glow of the sentiment, and feel a wave of Pride at the British way sweep over me.
At the same time I can sneer at the poisonous snakes (Racists)within our society who have the cheek to apply the word 'British' to their descriptor.

This scene took place on a British Airways flight between Johannesburg , South Africa & London .

A white woman, about 50 years old, was seated next to a black man.

Very disturbed by this, she called the air hostess. 'You obviously do not see it then?' she asked. 'You placed me next to a black man. I did not agree to sit next to someone from such a repugnant group. Give me an alternative seat.'
'Be calm please,' the hostess replied.
'Almost all the places on this flight are taken. I will go to see if another place is available.'

The hostess went away & then came back a few minutes later..
'Madam, just as I thought, there are no other available seats in Economy Class.

I spoke to the captain & he informed me that there is also no seat in Business Class. All the same, we still have one place in First Class.'

Before the woman could say anything, the hostess continued.
'It is not usual for our company to permit someone from Economy Class to sit in First Class. However, given the circumstances, the captain feels that it would be scandalous to make someone sit next to someone so disgusting.'

The Hostess turned to the black guy, & said, 'Therefore, Sir, if you would like to, please collect your hand luggage, a seat awaits you in First Class.'

At that moment, the other passengers, who'd been shocked by what they had just witnessed, stood up & applauded.

This is a true story. If you are against racism, please send this to all your friends.

WELL DONE, British Airways!!

Another blow against those who would seek to treat others in a negative manner due to their race creed culture or sexuality.!

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I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I
have never figured out why men think with their head and women with
their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well,
the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel
like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to
hear...

'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for
me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for
who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off work to spend time with
her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on
several different very expensive outfit s. She couldn't decide which one
to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to
compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each
outfit.'

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of
diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have
thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was
testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even
know how to play tennis

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She
was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is
all
dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't
feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled,
'WHAT?'

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.
You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me
to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added,
'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy
you?'

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch
knows I'm smarter than her.

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The crowd went dead quiet...then...a skinny, shrivled & bent little old lady elbow'd her way to the centre...picked up the bigest rock she could find...staggered over to the thief laying on the ground. She raised the rock above her head and threw it onto the thiefs' head...killing him.

She then turned and looked up at Jesus with a twisted smile, showing her age with the very few teeth she had left.

Jesus looked down at the old woman and said, "You know, sometimes you really shit me, MUM"!

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http://www.catsthatlooklikehitler.com/cgi-bin/seigbest.pl

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Is some loon just trying to get on the tags list or does it actually have a meaning that 'normal' people can understand..

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